I really want to post at least one post a day this year…I really do. I’m pretty sure it wont happen because when ever I feel down I don’t.
Right now I’m crying a lot, not because I’m sad, it’s because I’m depressed. It’s hard for me to accept that I don’t have control of me.
I miss the person I used to be, the Pit Bull, the Duracell Bunny, the one that never stopped. I’m not that person anymore and I think if there’s even close to a New Years promise that I need to make, it is to accept that she isn’t here anymore.
It’s not easy, to realise that you changed so much that the one thing you loved about yourself is gone.
I had a pretty fab Christmas, because I have people around me that give a shit. I had a good New Years because I have people around me that think I walk on water. I still cried myself through it.
I aimed for 2018 being where I got my shit together, my shrink told me I should allow myself December at 80% and then I go for it. Not sure I have it in me, all I want to do is go to bed and stay there. Still, my alarm will go off tomorrow and I will go to work and pretend I like it.
I think I’ve reached the point where I’m not sure how to fix it. I spent my fall seeing a shrink and he told me I’m good. I’m feeling that he didn’t have the capability to make me talk.
I need to fix this though, any ideas?
What Should I Call My Blog 
Hi. I think I somewhat understand what you are going through. At least the feeling. I would say write a list of all things you like, and bright colors that make you happy and just try to fill in your day with those. It is not a solution to the problem, it is mostly an aesthetic intervention to your environment (room, office etc.). That might keep you positive for a bit. Also, do you exercise? I know it’s boring and I hate it too but it does work. I am taking up running again. It is all chemical reactions in your brain, it cannot not make you happy. Hang in there. I know of no person who is in their right mind lately.
LikeLike
Thanks 🙂
I do like running, it’s just when you fall out of it, especially in the cold half of the year, it’s really hard to start it up again. It’s on the to do list though 🙂
I like the idea of writing a list of stuff I like…will give it a go 🙂
LikeLike